Winter Blues

IMG_5126Nothing brings on the blues like a cold winter day. Despite being born in January, I am not a fan! The days are short, temperatures are frigid and stepping outside requires several layers- especially living in Boston. However nothing lifts my spirits like shopping. Despite the dropping temperature, I found my self shopping the day before Thanksgiving. I stumbled across these cute dessert plates at my local Marshall’s! These blue and gold plates warmed my soul and put a smile on my face. To say I loved them would be an understatement. I immediatly picked up the plates and set them in my cart. I don’t know if it was the gold, or the message sprawled across the plates, these were a must have. I guess with all that’s going on in the world we could all use a some extra love. Je’taime xoxo

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It was nice knowing you

For the past 3 months I have been going over our relationship in my head trying to figure out what went wrong. Crazy it may seem—but I just can’t grasp how 2 weeks after an amazing Valentines you decided to end it. Now that’s not the point of this note. Just a glimpse inside my state of mind, when I received your most recent text.

“I’m sorry I hurt you” it read—“I miss our times together, It might not make sence to revisit, but they were great times anyway”

Well —I am glad that you had a chance to clear your conscience. I guess you feel better about the mess that you created now that you have offered an apology.

Apology accepted. But know that while I have forgiven, I will NEVER forget. You will forever live in my head as the wonderful but tragic guy that only thought of himself.

Sorry is for accidents—but this wasn’t an accident. You knew damn well what you were doing but you didn’t care. Because as a long as you are only thinking about yourself, you don’t care who gets hurt along the way.

You followed up with—“I was listening to J Cole ‘Power Trip’ and It reminded me of you singing”

Glad that a song reminded you of me. Unfortunately I have a permanent reminder of you. I wake up every single day praying to feel like myself again because I haven’t been the same since we broke up.

I want to go about my life and not have a reminder of you in everything I do. Hell I cooked Fettuccine Alfredo the other night and got emotional. I couldn’t help but remember that was your favorite dish of mine. I feel like I’ve been sprayed by a skunk and have no way of ridding myself of your stench.

You know it would be a lot easier if you were a cheating bastard, or you abused me or something crazy. Because then I could hate you—and I could remind myself each time you crossed my mind that staying with you could have cost me my health or my life. But unfortunately that’s not the case—you were a nice guy; selfish, but nice.

And for all the times that I am spewing venom—angry at that way things ended up. I can’t help but still love you. The truth is I’m angry because of that and the fact that I miss you.

I miss ordering Thaitation and listening to your “self development” books on tape instead of music before going out. I miss that weird dance you did when you had to pee, and how you use to pull me in so tight at night when we would cuddle. I miss your “Pannies” as I called them, in human speak—your cinnamon & chia pancakes. I miss watching soccer on Saturdays, and our occasional visits to the gym. I miss talking to you about spirituality, success and life in general.

I think my favorite moment with you was when we went to DC to visit my family. That Saturday night we went into the city to Meet Jess & Leo for dinner. You got so drunk that night—but you were the cutest and sweetest and I remember thinking at that moment, “God I love him”

The thing is we got each other. We were both a bit quirky, and a little bit “off” as you described. But that’s what made you perfect—you got my weirdness like no one else. You didn’t mind my multiple characters— whether I was the leopard, or a snail.

I miss you calling me at lunch, and your obsession with healthy and natural things. BJ Wang? Good Belly Probiotics? Charles Poliquin vitamins? Equinox? Topical Magnesium? Chia Seeds? All these things wouldn’t have such a distinct memory and a place in my life if it weren’t for you.

So while I’d really like to hate you, I can’t help but love you. You showed me that I am worthy, deserving and capable of dating a really, really, good guy. So thank you. Hopefully now I will steer clear of the jerks in addition to the sweet & nice, but selfish guys.

I was hoping for a lifetime assignment with you but I guess God had other plans. So If I don’t see you again, I guess I’ll see you next lifetime (Erika Badu voice).. Until then it was nice knowing you.

 

 

 

 

 

The Urge to Write

The urge to write comes once in a while but it’s hard for me to follow though. You see I have all these ideas that circle around in my head. But when it’s time to get them on paper I shut down. Does this sound good, does this sentence describe the exact thing on my brain? These are the questions I ask as I write, taking me further from completion. There is so much creativity built up in me, but sometimes its hard to release. Fear of imperfection or judgment keep me from creating. Also I get caught up with the beginning of an idea, only to get too bored, distracted or discouraged to finish it. Maybe I am not meant to be a writer, or a blogger. Just someone who occasionally jots her thoughts down on paper. Although it would be cool, because I really admire the  consistent bloggers who have made a name for themselves in the public sphere. These are the people who go after their creative passions full force and make a name for themselves in history. I dream about this stuff, one day having my name and ideas printed in a book, or the center of a Ted talk. I mean I think I have some really good ones. But I guess the choice isn’t up to me. This is a decision between me and god about who he wants me to be. So I’ll continue to write my shorts. Sometimes completed and sometimes left undone. When the right words and ideas are ready, I will capture them the best way that I can.

My Valentine

Grey dining Interior

 

This is going to sound crazy. But—I realized this morning that my heart belongs to interior design. Well maybe not crazy. If you know me well enough then you know I spend hours pouring over the Houzz app—drooling.  Saturdays are spent making frequent trips to Homegoods just too look. My living room, bedroom, kitchen, porch, bathroom, closet—to name a few—have been redecorated MULTIPLE times. The highlight of  babysitting for a particular family is being able to sit in their GORGEOUSLY decorated home (designed by a celebrity designer– dahling) and admire it.  Oh, and decorating is about the only thing I’ll do for free.

Gold Tub

Crazy to me I guess because it use to be fashion. Clothes, shoes, purses. I use to daydream about sitting front row at NYFW.  Growing up, hallways became my runway. I’d pretend to strut like Naomi Campbell, thinking “I’m going to model one day” (ended up being to short L). I got a job in fashion (I can’t be a model but I can BUY fabulous clothes… ) But– I ended up in the Home Division….

The love affair began there.  The high I use to get shopping for clothes was replaced by home product. Glamour, Elle, & Vogue became Elle Décor, House Beautiful and Architectural Digest. I had hundreds of shoes, now I have hundreds of Dec pillows.  I use to always think “what should I wear?” now my thoughts wander to “what can I decorate?”

Decorating has channeled my passion for beauty, art and design without feeling forced. (Maybe that’s why I’ve always been so particular about the aesthetics of my surroundings). It inspires me.  The buzzing and excitement  of shopping and pulling rooms together,  remind me of the butterflies I felt the first time I fell in love. Something I never thought I’d feel again…

So in the spirit of Valentines Day…

To fashion—clothing in particular—thank you. Thank you for channeling my inner creator, arousing my spirit,  and leading me to the passion— Interior decorating– that feeds my soul. Interior Design, you stole my heart. I love you, Happy Valentines Day.

 

 

Words or Lack Thereof

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I don’t know why it bothered me. But it did. I can’t pinpoint the exact emotion—but my blood pressure elevated and I was inspired to write.

It’s a typical Sunday morning—wake up, coffee, blah,  blah, blah, mail—ah I haven’t checked the mail in a while.  Opening my front door I notice a bag hanging on the knob. Inside is a Pyrex pan.

See that’s the thing about words. We have so many of them—variations even.  If I wanted to describe dialogue between two people, there are 100’s of ways I could do so. However, despite all the words in the world we don’t seem to talk enough. Lack of  and/or miscommunication tend to be the downfall of most relationships. If we have so many words, why do we still struggle to express ourselves?

Back to the original story. Picking up the bag with the pan I am annoyed. “Really?” this is what our friendship has come to. You don’t even have the common courtesy to use your VOCABULARY to send a text, email, FB message, phone call, face to face convo—whatever just choose something—to tell a friend that you are returning her pan?

Maybe I’m in shock. I mean it was only a couple months ago. You’d come hang out, chat with me—and use your VOCABULARY to discuss, brainstorm, gush about your upcoming engagement.  We talked about life, family, friends. Hell you even helped me come up with inspiration for my business. Our exchanges (using WORDS) became the company we needed while we waited. Me for my guy and you the right time to propose to your soon to be bride.

I considered him my friend. Not even in the twisted “I like you but I don’t want to say it” way. A real friend. Someone I could converse with and use my words. It was connection with out the messy obligations and complications of love.

You see God gave me all of these words– “Use them wisely, connect with people,…” Connection, I  did that. Wisely—I’m not sure.

I get it. Life happens. People get busy. Priorities shift. People change. You got engaged, work got busy, yada, yada, yada. But you didn’t lose your words. You chose instead not to use them.

Time passed.  Our exchanges got shorter and shorter.  Deep dialogue became mundane hellos and goodbyes. Until there was nothing. No text, no note—just a bag.

My words to you: “Thanks, but wrong pan”

My Oh My I’m Twenty- Five!

January 18th 2013 marked a special day for me– My 25th Birthday!

This year to celebrate the theme is 25 Things I’ve Never Done Before.  Starting on my Birthday, I’ve got the year to get the list accomplished!

  1. Eat and Oyster  (Done!)
  2. Tattoo on foot– Faith
  3. Drink a Dirty Martini
  4. Do Karaoke
  5. Send a hot guy a drink from the bar
  6. Give Blood
  7. Extreme “Sport” Indoor/ outdoor skydiving/ Hot Air Balloon Ride
  8. Get a Facial
  9. Go to a Psychic
  10. Get Acupuncture
  11. Get a weaver
  12. Go ice skating
  13. Attend a midnight movie opening
  14. Ride on a motorcycle
  15. Shoot a Gun
  16. Test drive a fancy car
  17. Go Rock climbing
  18. Do 25 random acts of kindness
  19. Go to a Yoga or Spiritual Retreat
  20. Try Scallops (Done)
  21. Stop for a cupcake  i.e Georgetown Cupcakes (Done)
  22. Get a dog!
  23. Have a photo shoot
  24. 25 “thank you’s” / Daily Gratitude (Done)
  25. Turn 25! (Done— You only turn 25 once!!)
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Men I Admire: T.I. “TIP” Harris

T.I.

New Music: T.I. “Pyro” ti-glasses – Frequency News network blogs.

via New Music: T.I. “Pyro” ti-glasses – Frequency News network blogs.

Now I hate to admit that I watch VH1 reality television, but I have to say “T.I. and Tinys: A Family Hustle” is really good. I got sucked into the show one night and… you know the rest. Why you may ask? Because of T.I.  This Southern  “gangster rapper, gun totting, bad guy” (his image to some),   is so much more than that.  He’s funny, loving, hardworking, family oriented, and  an all around good guy. If he were single– I’d date him (and no, not just because he’s a celebrity). Here are some of the reasons why:

— The man can cook and knows how to be romantic (does this even exist anymore??) . Evidence of this; after being released from jail (I know, I know) T.I.  plans a romantic evening with his wife– full of gifts, filets and lovin’. Dressed in his sundays best (suit vest, tie, slacks— and apron) , he shows us that while he may be the king of the south– she is his queen.

–The way he interacts with his children. There is no doubt that this man LOVES his kids– all 5 or 6 or however many there are of them.  When the decisions between his BET rehearsal and his sons pee wee football arises, football comes first. Dating for is 11 year daughter, absolutely unacceptable until she’s 35.  Pushing his kids to pursue their dreams– whether child acting (King & Major) or performing in a girl group (T.I’s eldest daughter) he’s all for it.  And he is always teaching them a life lesson–  be it the value of a dollar thru a lemonade stand, or visiting his old “hood” to show his kids what life outside the mansion looks like. When it comes to his family this hardcore rapper is not shy with his emotions. Who knew rapper daddies ended their calls with “I love you!”

–He’s hardworking. Now that’s a given. He is a grammy nominated artist, music/film producer, clothing line designer, actor… But it’s more than that. He’s disciplined. Be it sessions in the studio, or keeping order around his home– T.I. makes sure everything is in check.

–He’s funny! And there’s nothing better than a man who can laugh and be silly. Every episode T.I. finds a way to infuse his humor; through interactions with his wife and children.

–He’s resiliant. T.I. has found himself in compromising positions in the past. However despite these setbacks T.I. comes back stronger and better every time. He’s human. He’s made mistakes along the way. But what I love about him is his ability to acknowledge his shortcomings, and allow them to make him a better man.

Mr. Harris– I admire you!